Irrational Encounters With The Modern World

Index of Articles

A list of the blogs written here, grouped roughly by topic, as below. Fully referenced as at 10th July 2015.

Dubious Claims To Fame
Encounters With Arseholes And Their Ilk
Encounters With Good Guys
Glasgow Stories
Diary Of An Anti-Tory Protestor
Letters Of Complaint
The Work Programme, The Broo (Jobcentre), And The Housing.

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Dubious Claims To Fame
01 – Lostprophets (More dubious in 2013 than it was in 2000)
02 – Iron Maiden
03 – Billy Connolly
04 – Kevin Bridges
05 – Alice Cooper (and Noel Fielding and Erkan Mustafa)
06 – Combichrist (In Print)
07 – Paul Daniels (Part One) and (Part Two)
08 – Richard Jobson/ Dougray Scott
09 – Combichrist (The Rammstein Tour)
10 – Caustic
11 – Ross Noble
12 – Frankie Boyle
13 – Midge Ure
14 – Eric Cullen (“Wee Burney Nesbitt”)
15 – Carter Ferguson’s “The Rage” and My Local Newspaper
16 – Michael Barrymore
17 – Kristen Schaal
18 – Alice Cooper (Memorabilia)
19 (a) – Paul Di’Anno
19 (b) – Bruce Dickinson
19 (c) – Blaze Bayley
20 – Bill Clinton
21 – Derek Mackay MSP (and the Daily Record) and the Repercussion Of Retweeting Abuse
22 – DJ Neil “Dr” Fox
23 – TV Gladiators, Old And New
24 – A World-Famous Song And Its Writer
25 – Butcher Babies
26 – Trainspotting

Encounters With Arseholes And Their Ilk
Tickets, Touts, and the BBC 6 Music Festival
When Airport Security Is Not Secure
“In The Name Of Jesus!” – Question Time and Front 242
The Daily Mail, If It Was Honest
Scottish Water Don’t Know If They’re Coming Or Going
When It Comes To Spoilers, Timing Is Everything
MP3s Are Killing My Enjoyment Of Music
Nice Concert Venue, Shame About The Acoustics
All Dates Are Equal, But Some Dates Are More Equal Than Others (9/11)
Please Log-In To Log-In
Darth Vader, Boat Rides, And The Inland Revenue
Bearing Witness To A Blood Issue.
Dictating Who To Share Your Drink With
Persistence Is Futile Especially If You Are Married
An Aversion To Advertising – Avoiding Commercial Gain
Banks – If You Have No Money, They Have No Interest
Pros And Prose: Turning Tricks, And Turns Of Phrase
A High Street Store Apparently Fulfilling The Requirements Of All Women
The Pointlessness of Primark’s Paper Bags
Combicomplaining About Delivery Charges
People Who Are Offended Can Fuck Off
Scotland The Barely Comprehensible
Banking On Our Future.
That Cunt Cameron.
A Bus Arsehole With No Right To Complain.
The Customer Is Not Always Right In The Head.
Bureaucracy That Sends You Round In Circles.
Lost My Faith In Faithless
Bouncers – Small Talk And Smaller Minds
People With Nothing To Say (Band T-shirts)
Dismal Post Office Clerk
Restaurant Critics
Being Too Clever For My Own Good
The Number Thirteen
Qualified To Work For No Money
First Bus’s Fares
The Tattooed Dots
The Film “2:22”
The Only Job I Wanted To Walk Off
Nosey And Proud
Saving The Planet By Not Printing Emails
Crowds That Make No Sound
Naked For Everyone Except You
Body Transformation Is Good, But Only In One Direction

Encounters With Good Guys
Smell Gas? Keep The Light Off
Life Is Absurd, And So Is Death
Dodgy Dealings And Fridge Fun
Doctor Who-You-Looking-At?
You Have To Hand It To Superstition
My Favourite Jokes Are Practical
An Acquaintance’s Army Anecdote
Provisionally Unable To Drive
Involuntary Organ Donation
The Peace And Pleasure Of Walking
This Is Why I Am Rarely Asked To Help With Homework.
Dooroo You Like Good Music?
Sexual Harassment And Ice-Creams
Body Parts That Cost An Arm And A Leg
Drunkenly Texting A Friend’s Mum, At His Insistence
Theatre, Backstage, And Fun With Fruit
Music Taste And Life-Changing Chance Encounters
An Inability To Sing Doesn’t Deter Drunks At Karaoke Nights
Evil Bands Who Are Accidentally Hilarious
Free T-Shirts, Onstage Rivalry, And Militaristic Lesbians
Useless Advice And Wise Words
A Smashing Bus Journey
The Best Halloween Costume
Genuinely Helpful Customer Service
A Fitting Punishment Exercise
The Citizens Theatre’s Ticket Prices
The Londoner With A Sense Of Humour
Playing A Scheming Dick At His Own Game
Making Grown Men Cry
Tattoo Plans, And Hiding Money For Your Future Self
Updating Lottery Numbers And Immediately Winning
Bringing Your Kids Up Well
Becoming The Benchmark Of Failure
Electric Shock Therapy For Comedians
Being Cheered Up By A Prize Wanker
Perks Of Being A Wind-Up Merchant
One Man’s Meat Is Another Man’s Awful Gig
If Someone Does You A Favour, Pass It On

Glasgow Stories
Commonwealth Games, Hideous Uniform
Friendly Fire. Too Friendly. (Cafe India)
Glasgow Statues – Yes We Cone
Bedtime For Drunk People
The Horticultural Locations Of Canine Urination
Why It Is Okay To Cross The Road With Traffic Approaching.
The Smell Of Success, Or Of Something Quite Different
Silly Questions And Wolf-Whistles.
Glassing – Learning How To Do It Properly.
Get Glassed? Fight Back.
Get Glassed? Act Cool.
Passing The Time Of Day (Counter Assistants)
The Subway Never Changes Usefully
Bus Nutter – Paisley Road West
Bleeding Neds And Disbelieving Directions
Five Quid For A Cigarette
An Unfortunate Turn Of Phrase

Diary Of An Anti-Tory Protestor
It Begins With A Retweet (posted as a Dubious Claim To Fame – Number 21)
The Repercussions Of Retweeting Abuse (Follow-Up Post A Fortnight Later)
01 – Axe The Bedroom Tax (George Square, 30th March 2013)
02 – That Cunt Cameron Comes To Glasgow (Govan Road, 4th April 2013)
03 – Margaret Thatcher Goes To Hell (8th April 2013)
04 – Scrap Trident (George Square, 13th April 2013)
05 – Remember Thatcher’s Victims (George Square, 17th April 2013)
Fuck The Tories? Not In My Pub! (A Letter Of Complaint)

Letters of Complaint
UK Mail – Who Don’t Deliver But Kid On They Do, 2015
1: Virgin Trains and Replacement Buses, 2014
2: Virgin Trains and Mislaid Passports, 2014
3: Virgin Trains and Hungover Replies, 2014
Coca-Cola Can’t Spell, 2014
A Restaurant and A Splinter, 2014
Travelodge and The Haunted Shoe, 2014
Black & Lizars, 2014 – Should Have Gone To A Different Optician.
HBOS Part 1 – How They Address Me, 2014
HBOS Part 2 – Escalating The Complaint, 2014
HBOS Part 3 – This Is Getting Ridiculous Now, 2014
HBOS Part 4 – Enough Is Enough, 2014
Baguette Out And Don’t Come Back, 2014 and A Fun Reply
The Work Programme – 13 Pages Of Hate, 2013
Substandard Sandwiches, 2013 and A Brilliant Reply
T-Mobile, 2013 – a Farcical Development – and The Outcome
Pubs, Offensive Shirts, And Invisible Children, 2013
Horsing Around With Supermarket Pricing, 2013
Royal Bank of Scotland, 2010
Manpower, about Royal Mail, 2012

The Work Programme, The Broo, and The Housing
Leaving The Work Programme – A 13-Page Complaint Letter
Looking For Work Does Not Count As Looking For Work
Feeding Back And Unexpected Outcomes
The Website That Doesn’t Work
Losing A Job Before Starting It
Making People Homeless To Save Money
The Work Programme Doesn’t Really Work
Doing You A Mandatory Favour
Jobs That Don’t Meet The Very Criteria They Set
Healthy And Safe But Nonsensical
G4S – Squandering Money And Hiring Nobody

4 responses

  1. Dr Roger Cartwright

    I certainly would not abuse you but your comments border on racial hatred. I do not live in the South of England rather I live and wish to continue living in Scotland. You may think that racial hatred is some form of comedy but I assure you it is not. Please be more circumspect as there are those who would use your comments to do harm to people from South of the border.

    March 28, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    • Dr Cartwright, you appear to have posted your comment on the table of contents and not on the blog in question, which I believe to be this one: https://embracetheabsurdity.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/dubious-claims-to-fame-21/

      It is unclear how I may incite racial hatred based purely on geographical location of the majority of voters. I state that I believe most of that cunt Cameron’s supporters live in the South of England. Whether they are English or other nationalities is irrelevant in this instance. If you wish to continue living in Scotland then you should, it makes absolutely no odds to me where you choose to reside.

      I just think it is illogical to suggest – in a country that has no geo-political divide (such as exists in the two distinct halves of Korea) – that I am motivated by or propagating racial hatred against the bottom half (or possibly the bottom third) of the neighbouring country. It would seem to me that racial hatred requires full commitment, meaning I would have to hate all of the English or none of them. What you are suggesting is akin to accusing someone of being racist if they say “I hate Londoners” or “I hate people from Edinburgh” – these are cities, or districts, rather than races. As it happens, I am too full of general hatred of all of humanity, perpetuated through cynicism and overall misanthropia, to bother narrowing it down to specific locations. I do not hate English people for being English, rather I despise specific people for their words, deeds, or actions.

      It wouldn’t take too much research to demonstrate that a majority of Northern Englanders are equally affected by the vast and damaging cuts imposed by the current Government of millionaires. The pertinent fact remains, that nobody in my country, Scotland, voted for the party that currently rules over us; certainly not in anything like the numbers that justify all of us being subjected to their draconian and ill-considered measures.

      Finally, I find it very hard to imagine that my lengthy, carefully-worded, and thoughtfully-edited blogs are going to encourage (or deter) anyone from “doing harm to people from South of the border” – if that is the mindset, then I am unlikely to affect it either way by commenting on the wider socio-political situation.

      Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and raise your concerns, and I will be happy to continue this conversation if you wish.

      March 31, 2013 at 10:33 pm

  2. Jan deighton

    Why do the lion rampant on kilt socks face in opposite directions

    February 22, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    • I think you have mistaken me for Google, unless this is the set up to a joke? “I don’t know, why do the lion rampant on kilt socks face in opposite directions?”

      March 19, 2017 at 6:46 pm

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