Dubious Claims To fame – 4
I gave Kevin Bridges my business card once. In hindsight, I think it was ill-advised. And I now know who advised me.
He was in the Halt Bar one Tuesday night, presumably after being at The Stand, and when I saw him we were passing each other in a doorway. In the friendly manner of any Glaswegian acknowledging another, I said “awright?” as I passed. Then I realised that I don’t actually know him, I just had that misplaced sense of familiarity that came with a shared accent and having watched his DVD so many times. Just because I recognise him doesn’t mean we’re pals.
I was a wee bit drunk, or I’d have thought better of it, and my day job involves building sets or locating/dressing props for theatre, film, and TV. He, of course, has an involvement with at least two of those. So I palmed one of my cards (a note, here – never order 500 business cards from Vistaprint. Half that is plenty), and approached him at the bar.
“Can I be a wee bit cheeky?” I asked. He looked me up and down – six foot two, mohawked, broad-shouldered, and (at the time) about 18 stone – and said something along the lines of “If you want to be a wee bit cheeky, you’re a big guy, so I’m not going to try and stop you.”
I introduced myself and said “My comedy might be shite, but my sets are okay. So if you ever want a set built, for a tour or that, here’s my card.” To his credit, he took it and put it in his pocket.
The next day, I had to try and fathom why I’d thought that was a good idea. As though, next time he’s playing the SECC to 10,000 people (or selling it out more nights than any other comedian in history), he’s going to say to his manager or agent that he wants a big set behind him. They’ll say “No bother, we’ll get onto the companies that specialise in these things.”
And he’ll say “No, don’t do that. I met this man in a pub. He gave me his card, let’s get him involved.”
A few nights later, I was at a party at my friend and fellow comic McGovern’s house. I was still trying to comprehend my actions. I asked him why I’d thought it had been a good idea to pass him my card. And McGovern informed me “Because I told you you should.”
For the record, McGovern is the kind of man who makes decisions like shaving his head with hair removal cream, but forgot that it was on his head until the burning and bleeding started. There’s a lesson to be learned about not following his advice.
That was a year ago, but at least if I ever see Bridges again I’ll have something to talk to him about… Though next time, I might just not bother him.