Irrational Encounters With The Modern World

Commonwealth Games, National Embarrassment

In a move presumably intended to embarrass Scotland on the world stage, “Team Scotland” have taken undue pride in unveiling athletes’ uniforms which will be worn during the forthcoming Commonwealth Games.

Dressed like extras from the set of Brigadoon, had that mythical village been inhabited entirely by the colour-blind, the cruel and unusual punishment of wearing the new outfits was forced onto a handful of the competitors.

team-scotland-july-6-2014 stvPhoto: STV

“My brief from Team Scotland was to come up with a parade uniform that was high on impact and made a real statement, but also had a contemporary feel,” the designer said, her contemporaries evidently being a tin of shortbread and an outdated notion of a country under Stuart rule. Scotland in 2014 is a progressive, forward-looking nation, on the verge of voting on whether to reclaim its independence and be free from Westminster’s parliament.

This monstrous creation looks like it was accepted by a committee, all of them too polite to reveal their true feelings until – suddenly – they found they had agreed to its production. With luck, they kept the receipt and can return it for a refund.

Inspiration must surely have come on a summer’s day, when the designer vomited into the clear sky and thought, “That’ll work.”

commonwealthuniforms0607 bbcPhoto: BBC

Grimaces, bemusement, and fixed smiles were the order of the day, as illustrated by the photographs above. One can only suppose it is the designer who has come dressed as the Mad Hatter from Alice In Wonderland, since she is the only person who looks genuinely happy to be there. A couple of nurses lead the way, followed by a three-man “stag do” attended by barely-acquainted strangers.

The designer looks inordinately pleased with herself. While it was decent of her to take the blame, it is unfortunate that this public spectacle will be viewed by so many. If there is one positive to be found, it will come at the opening ceremony. With the arrival, on-screen, of several hundred athletes wearing this nonsense, it will be the first time in years that a commentator has had to utter those immortal words, “Please do not adjust your set.”

 

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2 responses

  1. Estelle Johnstone

    What an embarrassment for Scotland. All they need is Fran and Anna leading the parade

    July 9, 2014 at 12:13 pm

  2. Rick

    If that is indeed the “designer” then whoever commissioned her got what they deserved. Shame the Scotland didn’t deserve or ask for this

    January 1, 2015 at 10:44 am

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